In Regards to Myself
by dragonsangel46
Summary: Draco Malfoy has received a new assignment from the Dark Lord - one that he feels he cannot carry out. Together, with old friends and new, Draco must battle with what's right and what's wrong to figure out the true ending to the assignment. D/G/B
1. Bury Your Head in Your Hands

Chapter 1: Bury Your Head In Your Hands

No way. Nope. I wouldn't do it. _Couldn't_ do it. That was insane. Sure I hated him with a passion, but _kill _him? Actually kill him? No way. That would be…suicide. Killing Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Just-Wouldn't-Bloody-Die? No.

I sighed and ran my hands crazily through my sleek blond hair. _What in Merlin's name was he thinking_? I thought angrily. I, Draco Malfoy, cannot, I repeat cannot, kill him.

I'd been assigned, by the loving Voldemort, to kill Harry Potter by the end of my seventh year. Of course, I had merely replied to the task with 'of course, my lord,' with no hesitation, but _only_ because I'm scared senseless of the Dark Lord. I admit it, even though I'm afraid of almost nothing.

I sighed noisily. How in the name of Merlin was I going to do this? I snarled at the wall.

"No fucking way!" I growled, and kicked the nearest item to me: a small night stand. It flew into the wall and broke. I grumbled and pulled out my wand, repairing the poor night stand_. If there was some way in hell, that I could get out of this…_ I tried to think of ways out, but the more I thought of ideas, the more and more unlikely they became. One particular one involved changing my identity and moving to California.

But I'm definitely no coward! I would face this task if it was the last thing I ever do. Which it probably would be.

First off, killing Harry Potter, the Golden Boy, was suicide for many reasons. He had many followers and loyal friends. Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, for example. I knew if I killed Potter with those two alive, I was done for. They _would _get me, no doubt about that.

Not that I'm scared of them! I hummed angrily; I'm not _scared _of the filthy Mudblood and her blood traitor boyfriend. Ugh, I realized, he has the whole huge fucking Weasley family too! Along with all his Gryffindor admirers, and… the list just kept getting longer. Why did Potter have to be such a fucking nice guy!?

I sighed dejectedly. School started tomorrow, and I was supposed to start 'observing' Potter and figure out what he does most often, his weaknesses, where to find him, etc.

I walked over to my large bed and lay down on it, over the covers, with my clothes still on, and fell asleep immediately, dreading the next day.

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Ugh, there he was, smiling like an idiot. What on earth is there to be smiling about? Didn't the idiot realize the Dark Lord had plans to kill him?

I shrugged to myself, Potter _was_ pretty dense sometimes. I stared at the raven-haired boy from across the train station. He was smiling like crazy and hugging Weasley's mum and dad. I felt disgusted watching them, but I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from the scene.

Once I finally got a hold of myself, I headed to the door on the Hogwart's Express.

"Draco?" I heard a tiny female voice call out behind. I twirled around smirked.

"Who else?" I replied. The voice belonged to Pansy Parkinson, a small (but powerful) little witch with short black hair, and, in fact, a cute little face with delicate features.

"Oh Draco! It's so good to see you!" She ran over to me and hugged me happily. I hugged her back, happy to see her. She was the only person I really felt I could trust with everything. I ruffled her hair and she smiled and stuck out her tongue at me.

"I can't believe this is our last year! It seems like it's gone by so fast…" Pansy murmured. I nodded in agreement. "So how was your holiday?" Pansy asked, "I didn't get to see you much."

Oh, that's right. She didn't know about my assignment. I sighed.

"That bad?" she asked sympathetically.

I nodded and grimaced, "I'll tell you later."

Together we walked towards the Hogwarts Express and climbed aboard, searching for an empty compartment.

Finally, we found one and I immediately walked in, depositing my trunk and then sitting down. Pansy did the same, and plopped down across from me. She squinted, her eyes, studying me. I shifted uncomfortably. She was always good at getting stuff out of me.

"Is it later?" she asked impatiently.

I smiled, for the first time in a while. Pansy always made me happy. We had been friends for as long as I could remember. And we would always remain that. Really good friends. Like brother and sister. Nothing more.

My smile vanished as I thought about what I was about to tell her. My brows furrowed. "I suppose…" I trailed off tauntingly.

"Well? Tell me!" Pansy demanded impatiently.

"I have a new assignment." I stated.

Pansy breathed in sharply. "Oh no…"

I sighed. "Oh yes."

"What is it this time?" Pansy asked, fearing the answer.

"Well…"

"Draco."

"I'm actually not supposed to…"

"Draco Regulus Malfoy. You tell me this instant or I _will_ hex you." Pansy threatened. I winced. Her hexes were deadly.

"I have to kill Potter. By the end of this school year." I said bluntly, wanting to get it out in the open.

Pansy gasped and her hand flew over her mouth.

"No!" she shouted.

"Yup."

"I mean, I know we all hate him…but _killing _him. You…you've never killed anyone Draco. No offense, but I don't think you can. You have too soft a heart."

I scowled, "I do not." I growled.

Pansy looked at me, the oh-so-stubborn blonde. "Yes, Draco, admit it. You do. You could never hurt a fly. I've known since we were born. I think I know a few things about you."

"Like what?" I challenged. I've had to torture plenty of people! How could she think I have a soft heart!?

Pansy's eyebrows shot up. Bad idea. "Well, like the fact that you act all mean and tough and cold-hearted on the outside, but on the inside you absolutely despise yourself for being like that, because you're nothing but a kind little puppy. You wouldn't hurt a fly. You were raised in a Death Eater household – excluding your mother, of course." She added hastily as I glared at her. My mother wasn't too fond of the Death Eater ways. "You aren't cut out to be a Death Eater. You just want a normal life, huh? Although we all hate _certain _Mudbloods…."

"Well…" I trailed off.

Pansy smiled triumphantly. "But back on track… what are you going to do!?"

"I…I don't know." I answered her question looking at my shoes. Gross; they were disgusting! When was the last time I washed these things?

"Is there any way you could, I don't know, warn him?" Pansy asked.

I tore my eyes from my disgusting shoes and they flashed angrily. "Warn who? Potter? Yeah, right." I snorted. "Like that would work. The Dark Lord would find out, and we'd all be dead. Besides, as much I don't want to kill him, I still hate his fucking guts."

"Yes, well…" Pansy looked thoughtful.

I narrowed my eyes. "What?"

"Oh, nothing." she replied. "I'm just trying to figure out what we should do." That was Pansy, always the quick, hyper one, ready to jump on things. I liked that about her. Never a dull moment, that's for sure.

"Hmm… I just don't know Draco… You can't lie to the Dark Lord…" She trailed off again. She opened her mouth suddenly, but before she could say anything –

_Bang! _

The compartment door burst open, revealing four boys.

"Hey Draco! Hey Pansy! How was your holiday? _Mine _absolutely stunk! Couldn't do _any_thing with the bloody Dark Lord everywhere…"

Pansy rolled her eyes, "Yeah, we all know. But if anyone hears you saying that, Theo…" she trailed off.

Theo scoffed, "Oh, right, of course. I'd be killed. Big deal." He walked in and sat himself down next to me. Pansy was right though, if anyone _did_ hear him saying that, well, it'd be a pretty gruesome killing to say the least.

Blaise Zabini, Vincent Crabbe, and Gregory Goyle remained in the doorway.

Gregory Goyle and Vincent Crabbe looked the same as ever: large.

Blaise, on the other hand, always seemed to look better each year. One would think there was no way for him to possibly look any better, but somehow he managed to do it. Even _I _found him attractive.

He had smooth, dark skin, with perfect shoulder-length dark hair to match, with amazingly deep brown eyes, and an extremely well-toned body. All the girls swooned when they saw him.

Much like they do when they see me. I smirked to myself.

"Shove over Theo, I want to sit, but your fat arse is taking up the whole bloody bench!" Blaise snapped.

"It is not!" Theo snapped right back. "You know, I'm not the only one on the bench! Draco lousy fat arse is taking up room too!"

"My arse is _not _fat! Or lousy!" I defended hotly.

Blaise opened his mouth, retaliation hot in his mouth, when Pansy intervened. "Oh, honestly, you guys! Just shove over and give Blaise a place to sit! It's not that hard. Come on, Vince, Greg, sit by me." They sat. "See? Is that so hard to do?"

Blaise's eyes squinted, and you could tell he wanted to add something, but apparently decided against it as Theo and I moved over, grumbling, and Blaise sat.

Pansy's eyes sparkled with amusement.

"What?" I snapped.

"Oh, nothing…" Pansy smirked. I stared at her, and she stared right back, her gaze penetrating deep into my skull. I looked away.

"So, did anything happen to you guys over the summer?" Vincent said softly.

Theo's head snapped up, his eyes coated with fury. "Yes! You want to know what happened to me!? The Dark Lord Imperioused me and made me torture my own mother!"

Pansy gasped. "No!"

"Yeah, and he laughed the whole time, saying things like 'Oh, this is nothing. Everyone has to torture their own mother at some point in their life.'" Theo said darkly.

"That's…that's horrible!" Pansy gasped.

"Yeah, well…"

"Is she okay?" I asked suddenly. I knew what kind of torture the Dark Lord could inflict upon people. I'd witnessed and performed it too many times for my own good.

"She's fine." Theo muttered.

"You know, he's gone way too far! This isn't –" Pansy started indignantly, but was cut off by Blaise.

"Pansy!" Blaise muttered harshly. "There's nothing we can do! He's a worthless piece of shit, yes, but we can't do anything about it! So stop talking like that! It just makes everyone more depressed that we can't do anything!"

I held my breath. No one spoke to Pansy like that. Well, if you valued your life at least.

Pansy's eyes darkened. I looked at Blaise; he seemed to cower down in his seat a little.

"_We can't do anything about it!?_ Sure we can! We'll never be able to overcome him if you keep talking like that!" Pansy yelled, outraged.

"No, Pansy! Overcome him? We can't!" Blaise retorted unhappily.

Pansy looked hurt. "But, Blaise…"

"No, Pansy. At least…not now. Now, please, just drop it, okay?" Blaise asked quietly, his face in his hands.

Pansy sighed. "Fine."

There was silence in the compartment. Could we do something about the Dark Lord? I thought. I mean, sure we had always _hoped_, but… it had always seemed like a hopeless cause.

"Um, so, did anyone get any assignments?" Greg asked suddenly in his deep voice. I looked up at him. He seemed a bit on edge after the small argument, unsure if he should speak.

"I have to find… Dedalus Diggle? I have torture him for information or something. The Dark Lord calls it my 'test to see if I'm worthy.'" Theo snorted. "As if torturing my mother wasn't enough torturing for a lifetime."

"By when?" Blaise asked.

"Oh...um… I think he said…. May? But I don't know how I'm going to, considering I'm going to be in school." Theo said.

"Oh. Anyone else?" Greg asked.

Everyone mumbled and shook their heads. Pansy looked up and caught my eye. She opened her mouth, but I shook my head violently. She gave me a questioning look, but closed her mouth and muttered a quiet "No."

I didn't want to tell anyone else. They would all be pressuring me to do it soon. They wouldn't see all the setbacks that I see.

I looked back up to find Pansy continuing to stare at me, her head cocked to one side, looking confused.

Blaise sighed and stretched his legs, "Gosh, I swear this train ride gets longer every bloody year."

"Don't I know it…?" Theo said, leaning against the back of the bench and closing his eyes.

"Yeah, but at least it's our last year." Vincent said with a slight smile on his face.

Yeah. Easy for him to say, as was dreading this year. The whole year.

Blaise fidgeted and stood abruptly. "I'm going to go wander…maybe I can find something to do…" He trailed off.

"Or some_one_..." I murmured with a smirk.

Blaise turned to me with a smirk matching my own, "Well…if I happen to find someone who's willing…" He trailed off, winked, ran a hand through his hair, and exited the compartment.

Pansy was folding and unfolding her hands anxiously in her lap.

"What's with you?" Theo asked suspiciously.

"Um, nothing, well, I- Draco, can I speak to you…er, alone?" Pansy asked restlessly.

Theo snickered.

"Oh, Theo, grow up! Come on, Draco." Pansy said exasperatedly, grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the compartment after her.

"What?" I demanded, once we were safely out of the compartment. Pansy looked around cautiously at the students milling about in the halls.

"Here…let's try to find somewhere private…" She muttered, more to herself than to me. "Ah, the loo, perfect, come on." She grabbed my arm once again and dragged me into the empty loo, shutting the door quickly behind her. She reached around for a light switch and quickly flipped it on.

"Er…Pansy?" I asked hesitantly. "What do...want?"

Pansy sighed. "Well…I just want to know why you didn't tell them about your assignment. I don't understand… we tell them everything!"

I placed my hands calmly on her shoulders. "Pansy, I _can't_ tell them."

Pansy looked confused. "What do you mean? The Dark Lord won't let you, or –"

"No, he actually didn't say if I could tell anyone… No, well, I don't _want_ to tell them, I guess." I said truthfully.

"Why not?" She asked, still puzzled.

"Pansy…they hate Potter as much as we do, but I don't think they would actually _mind_ killing him. So they would be pushing me, and if they felt that I wasn't going to do it soon, then they might try to tell the Dark Lord, and who _knows _what he'll do to me, and…" I trailed off, removing my hands from her shoulder and crossing them in front of my chest.

Pansy's face dawned in realization. "Oh."

"Yeah,"

"But…"

"No."

"But, maybe…"

"No, Pansy."

She sighed. "I know. You're right. We can't. But maybe, Draco, I've been thinking… What if we make it look like an accident?"

I raised my eyebrows. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, with killing Potter, what if we make it look like an accident? Like a potions class gone wrong, or, a deadly flying incident, or, or…" She looked hopeful.

"Yeah, that's how I would want to do it." I decided. "You were right about what you said earlier. About how I wouldn't hurt a fly. I can't kill him. When I tortured those people, I swear I didn't have a choice."

Pansy looked at me kindly, pulling me into a tight embrace. "I know, Draco. We'll find a way. I promise."

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A/N: I wanted to thank the two very awesome betas, **Mell8 **and **Sympathetic Me.**

The title of the story and the chapters are from the Underoath song "In Regards to Myself" off their album Define the Great Line.

Review?


	2. Sink Into Yourself

Chapter 2: Sink Into Yourself

As the Hogwarts Express rolled into the station, I stretched and began to get my luggage from the compartment above.

I looked around at my companions in the small train compartment. Greg, Vince, and Theo were all sleeping, with Greg snoring slightly. Blaise had not returned, so, I assumed, he had found an attractive young girl to spend the rest of the time with. Oddly, I felt a bit jealous about that. I couldn't understand why, as I'm a completely straight man. Or…at least I think I am.

I shook my head and looked at the last member of the compartment. Pansy was reading, intrigued by some book called _Roses, Guns, and Murder_, and had been engrossed in it the entire time. Her eyes swept back and forth over the pages quickly, turning page after page.

Soon, we were able to start departing the train and I figured I should probably wake everyone up. Although, I thought, wouldn't it be fun to just leave them here? I snickered, imagining what would happen, but decided to wake everyone up instead.

"Guys, get your asses up, we're here," I said shortly.

Theo stirred, rolled over, and looked up at me. "'Here al-al-already?" he asked, attempting to stifle a yawn.

"_Already?_ Theo, it's been _hours_. You were sleeping, that's why it didn't seem long. Besides, weren't you the one that was complaining about how long the trip was?" Pansy asked shortly, placing a bookmark in her book and standing up. Theo merely shrugged and got up to grab his luggage.

The compartment door suddenly slid open, revealing a very worn-out looking Blaise. His hair was mussed a little, but not in a way that made it look bad.

"Well, wasn't that fun! You guys should really be more adventurous. Fuck a person or two," Blaise said with a smirk.

Pansy scowled. "Sorry, we're not sluts. We have better things to do than have sex with _other houses._ Especially Hufflepuffs. I don't know how you stand it."

"I'm not a slut," Blaise defended. "I just know how to have a good time. And honestly, some Hufflepuffs are actually very good. They're not good at anything else, which is why they're in Hufflepuff, so they have nothing better to do than have sex."

I shook my head. "Who'd you fuck this time?" I asked, strangely curious for the answer.

Blaise's eyes sparkled and he let out a small grin. "I don't really remember his name."

"_His?" _I asked, shocked. I thought he was straight!

"Yes, _his._ What? You don't think I limit myself _just_ to girls, do you?" He looked at us warily, noticing our still shocked faces. "I guess you do." He answered himself with a smirk.

I couldn't believe it. This was news to me. Blaise and I have always been such close friends…I couldn't believe I didn't know about that. _I wonder if he thinks I'm attractive_… _Wait!_ I scolded myself silently. _What am I saying? I'm straight, why am I thinking this!? _I shook my head, ridding myself of my confusing thoughts.

I sighed and gave Blaise a strange look, to which he merely replied with a wink. He licked his lips and his eyes bore deep down into mine, an odd twinkle in them. I gulped involuntarily. He chuckled, grabbed his trunk, and turned and swept out of the compartment.

Pansy, who had missed the entire exchange, turned to me and said, "Draco? Are you coming? I want to make sure we get a carriage together."

"Oh, right." I said, clearing my throat. I was still a bit in shock. "You go ahead. I've got to get my luggage out of here."

She looked at me in curiosity. "Are you sure? Vince, Greg, and Theo left while you and Blaise were talking…"

I looked around; empty seats met my eyes. Oh, they were gone. Who knew they could do anything quietly.

"Well don't take too long. You don't want to the train to leave with you on it," she said dryly.

"Yeah. Although, maybe that would be for the best if it did. No one would know where I was…" I said in an even drier voice.

Pansy frowned at me. "Yeah, okay, well - just… I'll meet you in the carriages," she finished lamely. I nodded in response. She took one last questioning look at me and disappeared out the door.

I sat down on the bench and put my head in my hands. I rubbed my face roughly, clearing my thoughts. I stayed in that position for few minutes before I decided I should probably get off the train. I stood up, grabbed my trunk, and exited the compartment - only to run right into someone.

We both had been going at a pretty speedy pace, so we hit. Hard. I flew back into the wall of the train while whoever I ran into let out a muffled noise of surprise and fell flat on top of me.

"Whoa!" I yelled, the air knocked out of me. "Watch where you're going!" I attempted to push off whoever fell on me.

She pushed my hands away pulled herself up. The person let out an indignant noise. "Maybe _you _should watch where _you're_ going!" It was a female voice and I looked up to see who it was.

"_Weasley?" _I asked in disgust, staring at her bright red hair and disgruntled expression. She fixed her disheveled clothes and folded her arms over her well-developed chest. I let my eyes linger over her chest a few seconds too long before letting them travel down the rest of her body.

She was curvier than most girls, but, unfortunately, I liked curves. She had nice smooth, slender legs as well. I had never really noticed the youngest Weasley before, but now I felt as though I didn't have a choice.

"Yes, _Weasley," _she responded mockingly, acknowledging my once-over of her. "Maybe if you would watch where you're going once in a while, _Malfoy_, you wouldn't run into so many bloody people!"

"_Me?_ I'm not the one who was going 140 kilometers per hour! Besides, now I have to burn these robes since they have blood traitor filth on me." I scowled at her. "Who knows how many members of your filthy family you've touched today."

She didn't seem fazed. She placed a hand over her heart, feigning hurt. "Oh, gosh Malfoy, that really hurts." She took her hands off heart and folded them again, squinting her eyes angrily at me. "Your stupid little comments about me, my family, or my blood status don't mean a thing to me anymore."

I glared at her. "You just keep telling yourself that, because deep down, you know it hurts," I responded haughtily.

Her face turned into a smirk. "Oh really Malfoy? And you would know that…how?"

"Trust me," I said smugly.

A twinkle appeared in her eyes. "So when we all call you a horrible Death Eater…it actually hurts you, doesn't it?"

My face lost all smugness. "Of course not!" I snapped. How dare she? "Besides, you have no idea what you're talking about."

"I don't? You're _not _a Death Eater that tortures people and kills Muggles and Muggleborns…not to mention countless others…" Ginny trailed off intentionally.

I scowled at her again. "I repeat: you have no idea what you're talking about," I said, harsher this time.

Something flickered in her eyes. "Yeah, sure." She bent down and picked up her scattered belongings. She turned to walk away, then turned back suddenly and looked me straight in the eyes. "Don't you ever say _anything _about me or my family ever again." With that said, she turned away, her bright red hair flipping around her face, and stalked off.

Stunned, I stood in the hall of the train for a couple minutes. _Do my comments really hurt her, then? I never thought they did… but with what she just said…_

I picked up my bags, and started my own walk off the train. _Why do I even care if she gets hurt by my comments? She's a Weasley and I don't care about her. But then…why do I care?_

My thoughts were interrupted by Pansy's tiny voice calling out my name from a carriage. "Hurry up, Draco! I think this carriage is about ready to leave." I sped up to a fast walk and climbed quickly into the carriage, barely in time for its departure.

I settled myself down in between Blaise and Pansy. It was snug fit, as the benches were probably only meant for two people.

My right thigh was pressed into Blaise's, which made me a bit uncomfortable now that I knew he enjoyed male company too, but it didn't seem to bother him. Or at least he was good at hiding it.

To my left, Pansy had pulled out her book again and was deeply immersed in it. Across from me, Vince, Greg, and Theo all sat together, still slightly out of it. Blaise seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, so I allowed my thoughts to wander back to my conversation with the Weasley girl.

Why did I suddenly feel so horrible about insulting her all the time? What did she do to me? Did my comments seriously hurt her? She said they didn't, but like I seriously believe her. And the most important question of all: why did she have to be so bloody sexy?

I let out a frustrated growl, disrupting Blaise's thoughts. He turned slightly to look at me, our thighs and arms rubbing uncomfortably close together.

"Something wrong, Draco?" he said, letting his soft, warm breath tickle my face. I shuddered involuntarily.

"No," I responded, not allowing myself to say more. Blaise raised his eyebrows.

"Really?" he asked skeptically.

"Really," I answered.

He chuckled suddenly, his chest rumbling deeply. "Ok, Drake, whatever you say."

Thankfully, that was the last of our short conversation, although it did seem as though Blaise and I were pressed a lot closer together after it.

We finally made it to the castle and climbed out of the carriage. We dropped off our bags where they would be waiting for us later in our dorms and headed to the Great Hall.

Pansy sidled up next to me and grabbed my arm, walking with me. "So," she said softly. "Did you think of anything?"

"No, I wasn't really thinking about it," I responded quietly, my voice holding no emotion.

"Well, I have, and I have a few possible ideas," she responded a few minutes later.

I looked at her skeptically. "Real ideas?"

"I hope so."

I looked at her, admiring her powerful mind, "Tell me later," I muttered.

She nodded in response.

We entered the Great Hall and sat down at the Slytherin table. A few minutes later, when everyone was seated, the first years arrived, walking down the center of the Great Hall following McGonagall towards the stool and sorting hat.

The sorting went painstakingly slow, no interesting students. Except for one.

A small young girl with long black hair and black eyes to match sat down gracefully on the stool. The hat barely touched her head before it shouted "SLYTHERIN!"

Not one student had had that happen to them since I was a first year. I didn't catch her name, as I wasn't paying attention. She flew gracefully off the stool and down to the Slytherin table where she sat, an odd look in her eyes.

Before I could dwell on the young girl, Dumbledore stood, a familiar twinkle in his eyes. He smiled kindly down at the first years.

"To our newcomers, welcome! To our old students, welcome back!" The rest of his speech was the same as it normally sounded. Don't go in the Forbidden Forest, no spell-casting in the corridors…blah blah blah.

Dumbledore finished his speech finally, and allowed us all to begin eating. Oddly enough, I wasn't very hungry.

Suddenly I spotted Potter talking animatedly with his fellow Gryffindors. Memories of my assignment came flooding back.

_I walked slowly to the large, black door, knocking on it cautiously._

"_Ah, young Draco, come in." His cold, unfeeling voice spoke suddenly. I had been summoned by the Dark Lord for a one-on-one meeting, leaving me to wonder what I had done wrong._

_I walked slowly to stand in front of the Dark Lord, bowing deeply. "Yes, my Lord?" I asked smoothly, staring at his cruel face._

"_I have an assignment for you." He said slowly. I merely nodded in response, awaiting his orders.  
_

_He didn't continue right away, and looked at me, staring deep into my eyes for a response. "You must have it completed by the end of your 7__th__ year. Is that clear?" He said, not a drop of pleasure in his voice._

"_Yes, my Lord." I said obediently._

"_Good. Now… your assignment: you must kill Harry Potter. I don't care how, just do it."_

_His words hit like a freight train. "B-but, my Lord, I thought that was what _you_ wanted to do." I stuttered._

_His eyes flared. "You dare question my orders!?" He stood, anger penetrating from his body. "Draco," he said coldly, "You should know… no one questions my orders and gets away without a punishment. Crucio!"_

_Pain engulfed my body as I was jerked around unmercilessly. The Dark Lord lifted the curse lazily after a few moments, staring at me darkly. _

_I assured him quickly, trying to find an explanation for my questioning. "I just thought… I thought you would want to do the honors of killing Potter."_

_He glared at me. "Yes, well, I've decided maybe it would be best if you did it."_

"_Of course, my Lord." I said, hating myself for saying those words._

"_Good. As soon as school starts you must start observing Harry Potter. Do you understand?" He asked slowly._

"_Yes, my Lord."_

_  
"Oh, and one thing Draco."_

"_Yes, my Lord?"_

"_If you ever question my orders again, you will be severely punished." He said, his words dripping with cruelty. I shuddered. If that wasn't severe, what was?_

"_Of course, my Lord."_

"_Good." He replied tersely. "Now go."_

_I nodded, bowed, and turned around, a thousand thoughts swirling around in my head. I walked slowly and deliberately to the door, opened it slowly, and shut it without a sound._

"Draco? Draco? Are you alright?" A concerned voice asked, shaking me out of my memories.

I looked at Pansy's concerned face, her eyes wide. Everyone in the Great Hall was chattering loudly, getting up from their seats and beginning their walk to their Common Room.

"Draco?" she repeated concernedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, trying to sound convincing.

"You sure? You seemed pretty out of it… You barely ate anything," she said.

"I said I'm fine," I snapped.

She stepped back as if she had been burned. "Fine," she said shortly.

"Pansy…" I sighed.

"No, it's fine," she said quietly.

I sighed again and stood up next to her. "I'm sorry… I just… I was thinking about when I got my assignment. I always get kind of… messed up when I think about it."

Like Déjà Vu, her face dawned in comprehension. "It's ok, Draco. I understand." She placed a hand on mine as we started to head out of the Great Hall.

I stopped and turned to face her. "Do you?"

"What?" She asked.

"Do you?" I repeated. "Understand?"

She looked uncomfortable. "Well, n-no, not really, but, Draco…"

Damn! I scolded myself. "Pansy, I'm sorry, it's just…it's been a long day. I just… I'm sorry."

She smiled. "It's ok, Draco." We continued our walk to the dungeons in silence. We finally arrived at our Common Room. Saying a quick goodnight, we parted ways and headed to our dormitories.

As soon as I was in the seventh year dormitory, I staked out a bed and fell down on it, asleep immediately.

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A/N: Thanks once again to the very awesome betas **Mell8** and **Sympathetic Me**_. _They are amazing and extremely helpful!

And thanks to **Mell8** for her review. I appreciate it.=]

Care to review? It would definitely make me happy. :D


	3. Just What Are You So Afraid Of?

Chapter 3: Just What Are You So Afraid Of?

"Double potions first thing on _Monday_ with the _Slytherins_?" I heard a voice say disgustingly. "That's just unfair. The gods must hate us." I looked to my left to see who it was. Ah, the Golden Trio.

I smirked and walked over. "What's unfair, Weasley?" I drawled. They stopped talking, and possibly even breathing, and turned around. It was Potter who spoke.

"We have double potions on Monday with _you_," he said rudely.

I looked at them curiously, staring down at Granger, who returned my gaze, but she soon lost confidence and gulped quietly, removing her gaze from mine.

"Unfair? To who, Potter? You? I have to disagree. I think it's rather unfair that we Slytherins have to be stuck with you filthy Gryffindors," I said.

"No, actually, I have to disagree," Granger suddenly spoke, mimicking me. "I think it's rather unfair that we Gryffindors have to be _stuck_ with you Slytherins."

I smirked again. Did they honestly want to just keep going with this? "You keep telling yourself that, Granger." The trio scowled at me. I smirked and turned around to walk away, but I did decide to say something as I walked away.

"And yeah, Weasley, the gods do hate you, they told me themselves. But don't worry, they wouldn't ever say it straight to your face because they don't talk to filth like you."

I heard an ugly noise spluttering in outrage, then the ugly Mudblood's voice. "No, Ron, it's not worth it. It's not worth it." Not worth it? If anyone was worth it, it was me.

I shrugged and walked to the Slytherin table, sliding in beside Theo, who was in the middle of a yawn.

"Man, I'm tired already! I don't know how I'll be able to last this year… I'm just so damn tired all the time…" he said, trailing off with another yawn. I rolled my eyes at him and helped myself to a piece of toast. I was just adding butter to my toast when Pansy plopped down ungracefully – and unhappily – next to me.

"What's up with you?" I asked, handing her a piece of toast. She thanked me and began eating it. I cringed. Even after al these years, I still couldn't understand how she ate it plain.

She swallowed her piece before answering me. "Double potions with _Gryffindor_? That is _not_ fair."

I scowled. "I know. To be honest, I'd rather have double potions with _Hufflepuff_. And that's saying something."

Pansy nodded. "It sure is, because even I agree." I raised my eyebrows at her. Pansy had a huge dislike for Hufflepuffs for some reason.

"Fuck," I swore. "I'd rather have it with Ravenclaw who think they're so smart."

Pansy nodded again. "Yeah, seriously. 'We're Ravenclaw, we're so smart.' If they were so smart they'd do us all a favor and die."

I snorted into my pumpkin juice. "Hear, hear."

"Hey, guys, what's up?" Blaise Zabini asked as he sat down across from us.

"Double potions with the Gryffs, that's what," I said as I downed the rest of my pumpkin juice. Blaise shrugged.

"It sucks, yeah, but we'll just give them hell. We'll be better off in the long run because they'll be begging to get out of that class." Blaise smiled a devious grin.

I smirked. "Sure, Blaise. You keep telling yourself that." It was at that moment that I felt a foot lightly brush along my leg, sending shivers down my spine. I looked up at Blaise from across the table whose devious grin had grown even larger.

He winked and stood up. "Better get to class. Don't want to be late."

"Yeah we do." I heard Pansy mutter beside me. I chuckled and stood up, Pansy following suit.

We made the walk down to the dungeons and entered the classroom. I sat in the middle of table with Pansy and Blaise on either side of me, although I was a little unnerved about Blaise sitting beside me. And, of course, the freakin' trio just happened to be sitting at the table in front of us.

Snape entered the class with a loud bang of the door slamming shut, as he always does. He stood at the front of the class, scanning over everyone thoroughly before speaking.

"Well, obviously if you are still in my potions class you must have done _something _right," he said, staring at Potter and Weasley. I smirked. "I expect all of you in this class to be above standard," he continued. "To start off the year, I would like all of you to concoct the Draught of Living Death, which can be found on page 253 in your books. This should be done individually and _silently._ You may begin."

I sighed and dug into my bag, grabbing my potions book. I flipped to page 253.

_Ingredients:_

_Asphodel in and infusion of wormwood_

_Valerian Roots_

_Sopophorous Bean_

I got up silently and walked to store cupboard and grabbed of all the ingredients I needed, and returned to my seat. I sat the ingredients down and looked at the page.

_Step 1: Add the Asphodel in an infusion of wormwood_

I did that quickly.

_Step 2: Cut up the Valerian Roots in equal pieces and add one piece every 15 seconds. _

I sighed and got to work, trying my hardest to cut up all the pieces evenly. I had just barely added the first piece when I heard Granger whisper something to Potter.

"Harry," she whispered. "Have you heard or… seen anything about Voldemort?" From my spot behind my bubbling potion, I heard Potter sigh dejectedly.

"No," he whispered back. "It's been very… quiet lately. Sirius told me that at the Order no one really knows what to do because Voldemort hasn't been very active lately, as if he's drawn back. The Order's trying to plan some sort of attack that will take down Voldemort and the Death Eaters, but that's as much as Sirius got to tell me before Mrs. Weasley found him bent into the fireplace."

"Really?" I heard Weasley whisper. "I wonder what You-Know-Who's up to…"

"Honestly, Ron," Granger whispered rudely, her eyes on her potion. "I wish you would just say his name."

"Yeah, right!" Ron said, his voice rising a bit. "You two can say it all you want but I still refuse to –"

"Excuse me," Snape said, walking up to the three dangerously. "But I do believe I said that this activity was to be done _silently_. If I hear another word from you three it will be a detention." Snape turned to walk away, but looked at me and my potion and said, "Mr. Malfoy, you may want to pay a bit more attention to your potion."

I immediately looked down at my potion and realized that while I had been listening to the trio's conversation I had accidently dropped all of my Valerian Root pieces into the potion at the same time, causing it to become a murky gray and swell dangerously at the edge.

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Forty minutes later the bell finally rang and the class got up to leave, but not before Snape could assign homework.

"I want you to write a two foot essay on the uses and importance of knotgrass, monkshood, and Re'em Blood." There was an audible groan throughout the class as they exited the classroom.

But not one from me. I was silent, deep in thought about the trio's conversation. It worried me a bit. So they knew that Voldemort was drawing back, but that was kind of obvious, right? But what worried me most was the attack Potter mentioned they were planning.

What kind of an attack could take down the entire group of Death Eaters? Not to mention Voldemort. My brows furrowed as I tried to think of different attacks. Could they just gather a bunch of people and charge? No… that would be suicide. Maybe they would.

I still didn't know how I would kill Potter. If I even could.

"Dray, what's with the face?" I heard a silky voice say, shaking me out of my thoughts.

"I—what?" I asked, staring up into the deep brown eyes of Blaise Zabini, realizing that I had walked out of the potions classroom without noticing.

"You've been very quiet and you've got this look on your face like you're thinking about something very deeply," he said curiously. "Is it about that young Weasley girl?"

"Oh, yeah, I – what?" I asked. His last question really threw me off.

"I heard you had a little run-in with Weasley. Is that why you're so quiet? Did she say something to make you think all the time?"

Confused, I decided to lie. "Oh, yeah. She just said some weird things. I guess I shouldn't be letting them get to me."

"Yeah. Well," Blaise said, looking at his schedule. "Looks like I have Care of Magical Creatures and you don't. See you around." He walked away, and I couldn't help but stare at his backside for a few quick moments.

I shook my head and looked at my schedule.

Divination.

_I thought I gave that one up! _I thought angrily, wracking my brain to remember what I put down as my classes, but I came up with a blank.

I shrugged to myself and started to head to class when I realized that Pansy had disappeared. _Maybe she took a different class too… _I thought, and mentally punished myself. At least she was smart.

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(Narrator POV)

"Hello, Weasley."

Ginny jumped and spun around quickly, her eyes wide in surprise, but as she noticed who it was, she narrowed them angrily. "_What_, Zabini?"

"You know, you don't have to take that tone with me. I was being rather polite in my opinion," Blaise said smoothly, a small smirk gracing his tantalizing lips.

"Oh yes, incredibly polite. Now, if you don't mind, I have a class to get to," Ginny said shortly, attempting to pass Blaise, but he held out his arm, blocking the corridor. She sighed. Blaise smiled.

"Zabini, come _on._ Let me through!" Ginny said exasperatedly. Blaise chuckled softly, but continued to block her way. Ginny tried to get through a few more unsuccessful times before giving up and standing back, staring harshly into Blaise's dark brown eyes.

"Well, Zabini? What do you want?" she asked.

"Well, actually Weasley, I wanted to congratulate you," Blaise said, his smirk growing.

Ginny gave him a confused look. "Congratulate me?"

"Yes, congratulate you. Whatever you said to Draco really seems to have him puzzled," he said, receiving an even more confused look.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, completely at loss.

"On the train. I know you two had a run-in, and ever since he's been… strange. Thinking a lot. He's been doing that a lot lately anyways, because - well, because he's a freak, mind you. No, I heard him mumbling in his sleep about something and I figured it was about you," Blaise explained slowly. Ginny merely stood there, staring at Blaise.

"So I wanted to congratulate you. Keep on doing what you're doing. I love it when Draco's messed up; he's cute," he said with a wink. Blaise took a step closer to Ginny, their bodies a mere inch or two away from each other. Ginny held her breath as Blaise bent his face next to her ear.

"Be sure to keep saying stuff to him," Blaise said, his hot breath tickling her ear and causing her to shiver.

With that, Blaise turned and walked away, and, like Draco, Ginny couldn't help but stare at Blaise's lovely backside.

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(Draco's POV)

It was finally the end of the day and I was walking with Pansy to the dungeons when I remembered that I was going to ask her something.

"Pansy, what class did you have? Right after Potions?" I asked curiously, waiting for an answer.

"Oh! Um, just a class, you know. Nothing important," she said, a slight tint of pink tainting her white cheeks.

"What class?" I prodded.

"Er… Muggle Studies," she mumbled quietly.

"_Muggle Studies?" _I asked in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, Draco. I just thought… I don't know… all the other classes are really boring and I just thought Muggle Studies would be kind of interesting. You're not mad, are you?" she asked tentatively.

"Mad?" I asked. "Of course not. It just surprised, because, well, you've never given any impression that you like Muggles."

"Well, I don't. I just thought it would be interesting."

I nodded. "Better than Divination. I can't believe I signed up for the bullshit class again."

Pansy smirked. "You're such an idiot."

I scowled and stuck my tongue out at her.

"Oh, shoot!" she said suddenly. "I forgot my bag in the Great Hall. I better go get it."

"Want me to go with you?" I offered.

"Oh no, it's fine. You go on ahead. I can't believe I can be such a bloody idiot," she said exasperatedly.

"I can," I said with a sneaky grin. She smacked my arm.

"Hey, you're an idiot too, remember?" she retorted.

I nodded. "Very true." She smiled and retraced our steps back to the Great Hall, but I only made it a few more feet when I heard someone call my name.

I turned around to see who it was. "Weasley?" I asked. "What are you doing down here? You know, it's not very safe wander around the castle alone, especially when you're in Slytherin territory."

She snorted. "I can take care of myself, Malfoy. I actually came here to find out if what Zabini said is true."

I froze. "What did Blaise say?" I asked cautiously.

She smiled. "He said that I said something and now you're being all quiet? I didn't know I could have that kind of effect on a Malfoy."

I scowled. Blaise had it all wrong. That's not why I was quiet! Sure, I was a little at first, but… I mentally hit Blaise.

"Did I hit a sore spot, Malfoy?"

I looked at her angrily. "No, you didn't, and no, what Blaise said was not true. He has false information." I wasn't totally lying. I _had _been thinking about what she said, but that's not what I was thinking about when Blaise asked me about it.

"Oh, he does?" she asked tauntingly.

"Yes, he does!" I said. "Why do you care, anyways?" She seemed caught off guard by my question. Good, I smirked. She looked around.

"I don't know, Malfoy. I guess I just wanted to see if you had a heart. I didn't think you did, but I thought, 'hey, maybe Zabini's on to something.' Guess I'm wrong." She looked at me almost sadly, and turned around to walk away. She paused, as she had on the train, and said, "Oh, and you might want to watch yourself around Zabini. He thinks you're cute."

I sighed and turned to finish my walk to the dungeons. _Cute? _I thought. _That's a great word. Not exactly what _I _would choose to describe myself, but… wait. _I stopped suddenly. _Blaise thinks I'm cute? He's…interested in me? _I didn't know how that made me feel.

It felt pretty good, to know that someone wants me, but that fact that it was a guy made me a little uncomfortable. More and more I seemed to second-guessing myself that I was straight. It was then that I remembered how I had admired Blaise's backside earlier. _Do straight guys check out other guys' arses? _I don't think so.

I ran my fingers through my hair, messing it up.

There was one other thing that bothered me. Weasley didn't think I had a heart. Exactly the opposite of what Pansy thinks. I don't know why it bothered me so much, but it sure did. Her opinion shouldn't matter to me.

But it did. And that worried me.

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A/N: Here's another one, guys! Thanks to the amazing betas **Mell8 **and **Sympathetic Me. **

Also, many thanks to **Gryffindor Goddess 31** for reviewing. I thank her greatly, as she's the only that reviewed.

I really, really love reviews almost more than anything! (almost, =]) It takes only a few seconds at the least.... ;)

Anyways, hope everyone loved the chapter! The next one should be up soon!


	4. You're Staring Truth in the Face

Chapter Four: You're Staring Truth in the Face

Here I sat in History of Magic, thinking about ways to 'accidently' kill Potter. And so far, I had come up with only a few ideas:

1. A Quidditch accident. Imagine, Potter gets in a deadly 'accident' during a Quidditch game, and then I wouldn't have to personally do anything. Of course, I'd have to plan out how he would get killed…

2. During one of our double potions classes, I could somehow have him add the wrong ingredient (a deadly ingredient) and it could blow up and kill him.

3. I could go up to him randomly in the hall when he's alone and _Avada Kedavra_ him.

I sighed as Professor Binns droned on. I tried to think of more ideas, ones that might actually work, but I just couldn't find anything. My third idea was starting to become more and more tempting, but I knew that I couldn't really bring myself to do that. Plus, I thought, the Ministry can check to see what the last spells you've used are.

No, my third idea was not a good one. I mentally crossed it off. I buried my head in my hands, thinking deeply. I was thinking so deeply I was actually starting to get a headache.

I felt something hit my arm softly and I lifted my head out of my hands, finding a folded piece of paper on the desk in front of me. I looked around sharply and noticed Pansy sitting behind me, motioning for me to open the paper. I obliged, unfolding it with nimble fingers.

Pansy's elegant handwriting met my gaze. _'Have you thought anymore about your assignment?' _

I licked my lips as I picked up my quill and wrote back. _'I was just thinking about it. You better hope nobody finds this paper, or you're dead.' _I slid the paper back to her, and within a second it was back next to me.

'_Any new ideas?' _I shook my head and picked up my quill again.

'_Look, this isn't really the place to discuss that. And yes, I do have a few new ideas, but they're all pretty fucking stupid.' _

I tossed the paper back at her and she frowned as she read it. She looked up and me and nodded as if to say 'fine, you win, we won't talk about it.'

I gave her a winning smile and returned to my thoughts.

Maybe I could… no. This was pointless. I couldn't do it. I would just simply have to tell the Dark Lord that I couldn't complete the task.

_That's suicide!_ I heard a voice in the back of my head call out. _You tell Voldemort you can't do it, and he'll kill you!_

_Yes, but maybe it's worth it! _Another voice argued back. _Think about it… kill Potter or be killed?_

_Just kill him! It won't be _that_ hard. Honestly, have some guts, you wimp! _The first voice was starting to win me over, even though the second voice was trying valiantly to persuade me.

The bell rang suddenly, and I silently thanked the gods because now I wouldn't have time to think. I stood and grabbed my bag, slinging it over my shoulder, looking to the front of the classroom. Professor Binns had already left the room, sliding through the wall.

"Well, Draco?" I heard an impatient voice say behind me. I turned around to find Pansy staring at me with her hands on her hips.

"Yes?" I asked innocently, walking out of the classroom. Pansy followed me closely, hovering over me uncomfortably.

"You mentioned something about having more ideas?" she asked haughtily.

"I did," I confirmed.

"Well?" she demanded.

"Pansy," I hissed. "You know I'm not saying anything in the open." I gave her meaningful look, hoping to get my point across.

She huffed unhappily.

"Besides," I said. "None of my ideas would work."

"And how do you know that?" she asked as we headed down the stairs.

"Because, they're just stupid."

"You don't know that, Draco."

"Look, Pansy, I'm starting to wish I hadn't told you about my assignment!" I hissed angrily at her, losing my patience completely. I waited for Pansy to say something, but she said nothing. I looked over at her and noticed she had backed away from me and was walking with a somewhat angry and hurt expression on her face. I mentally scolded myself. Why did I always seem to hurt people? No matter what I did, I always seemed to say the wrong thing.

"Look, Pansy – " I started, but she cut me off.

"No, Draco, it's fine," she said coldly. "I've been hovering. I understand if you want to do this alone. I'll back off."

"Pansy…" I sighed. She looked at me, hurt clear in her eyes. I ran my fingers through my hair, something, I realized suddenly, that I'd been doing a lot lately. "I'm sorry, Pans. I just… I'm so stressed right now. And with you constantly badgering me about it…"

She sighed. "I know. I'm sorry, Draco, I just, I feel like – I _know_ that you can't do this on your own."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demanded hotly.

"Well, Draco, you obviously can't handle the pressure of everything by yourself," she said matter-of-factly.

"The Dark Lord gave me this assignment _on my own._ He intends for me to do it _on my own_," I whispered. We had stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

Pansy scoffed. "Yeah, well, he overestimates you."

"_Excuse me?" _I asked angrily. "_Overestimates_ me?"

"Well, obviously! You couldn't do this by yourself, Draco!" Pansy said, her voice rising slightly.

"How do _you_ know? The Dark Lord would be furious if he knew someone was helping me! I could totally do this by my fucking self!" I defended. _How dare she?_

Pansy held her hands up in fake surrender. "Fine, Draco, whatever. If you don't need my help, fine. Apparently you're big, macho man and you can handle this. Well fine. You're on your own," she said, anger evident in her voice, and she stalked off angrily towards the dungeons.

I was shocked. Not by what she said, (well, I was a bit shocked by that) but by the fact that we _fought_. Actually fought. She stormed off. That doesn't happen to us. We _never_ fight. Have little spats, yes, but they're never serious. I felt as though I'd done something horrible. As if my heart was being torn apart.

But the fight wasn't _that _huge, was it? It was just a little spat… right?

I frowned and headed towards the Great Hall for dinner even though I wasn't feeling entirely hungry. I walked silently towards the Slytherin table and sat down, feeling more alone that ever.

Was she really going to leave me on my own? I mean, I know I said I didn't need help, but… I can… exaggerate sometimes. Everyone does. Did she really mean it? A sickening sensation fell straight down my throat to my stomach.

"Hey, Draco. Why the long face?" I heard a voice say, interrupting my thoughts for the millionth time today.

"Nothing," I snapped at Blaise's horribly adorable face.

"Well, well," Blaise said with a sneaky grin on his face. "No need to snap. I was just asking an innocent question."

"Seriously, Blaise, I'm not in the mood for it," I said tiredly.

"Oh? Then what _are _you in the mood for?" Blaise asked silkily, sliding in next to me. I felt myself shiver involuntarily.

"Nothing, Blaise. Absolutely nothing."

"It sure doesn't seem like it…" Blaise said.

"Well, it doesn't matter what you think it seems like, because it is! And I'd appreciate it if you would just bugger off!" I snapped again. I noticed Blaise's face gain an offended look as he responded.

"Somebody had a bad day…" Blaise muttered.

"Yeah, well, it's not really any of your business, is it?" I asked rhetorically as I stood, grabbed my bag, and left the table, but not in time to miss an incredibly hurt look appear on Blaise's face.

_Oh well. _I thought. _He should know when to back the fuck off._ I stormed to the across the hall towards the dungeons.

"Out of my way!" I snarled at a passing first-year Gryffindor, who shrieked and shrunk away from me as I pushed them aside in my haste to get the Common Room.

I arrived at the dungeon wall and said the password, entering the Common Room and heading quickly to the dormitories. Once in, I dropped my bag and plopped ungracefully onto my bed, thousands of thoughts floating around my mind.

What was wrong with me? I never snapped at my friends like that. Ever. And now I had done it twice in not even an hour's time. I snapped at people all the time, but never friends, and never like this, not when they're just trying to be helpful.

"Draco?" I heard a soft voice whisper from the doorway. I lifted my to find Pansy standing nervously at the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," I replied. She walked nervously and sat down on the bed next to me.

"Look, Draco, I wanted to apologize. I know this is totally out of character for me, since I never apologize to people, but I've never really felt bad about hurting people until now," she said quickly. I merely nodded in response.

"I just don't want to be away from you," she continued. "I… you're the only person I can really trust. Especially in this house," she noted. "I'm sorry for what I said." She waited anxiously for me to respond.

I put my hand on hers, which was splayed out on the bed. "No, Pansy, I should be the one who's sorry, which is even more out of character for me, but… I shouldn't have insisted I could do this by myself, because, I can't. You're right." I looked up her to find a huge grin plastered over it.

"What?" I asked.

"It's just funny," she said with devious grin.

"What's funny?" I asked impatiently, tapping my foot.

"That you're apologizing," she said simply.

"Yes, it's hilarious," I said dryly.

"Oh, Draco… I'm just glad we're ok. Now, um, if you don't mind, I've gotta go." She got off the bed suddenly and walked towards the door quickly.

"Where do you have to go?" I asked curiously.

"Places," she said with a smirk. I raised my eyebrows at her, and she merely returned the gesture, shutting the door with a snap on her way out. So it's true, women _are_ that mysterious.

I shook my head and decided to go to bed early; as I didn't feel much like doing anything else. Tomorrow was Saturday, no classes. I thanked the gods and settled down to go to bed, hoping tomorrow would be a better day.

---------------------------------~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~----------------------------------

I woke up to the sun shining brightly through the window. Yawning, I rolled over and got out of bed, dressing quickly. I looked at the clock and realized that it was only 6 o'clock. I heard someone mutter something softly in their sleep and I looked over to find Blaise sleeping peacefully in his bed.

I really did feel bad, oddly enough, that I had snapped at him. He looked so… _ravishing_ lying on the bed, silky green bed sheets twisted beautifully around him. He looked like a masterpiece lying there. A work of art; his hands splayed out softly beside him, his dark hair covering his striking ivory skin.

I stopped myself suddenly. Why did I find him so damn attractive? Do straight guys always find other guys attractive? I really was starting to wonder if I was straight.

Groaning to myself, I exited the dormitory, not bothering to mess with my hair. I walked straight through the Common Room into the dungeons.

It was too early to go to breakfast, as it didn't start for another hour or so, so I decided to wander the halls. Maybe I could get some good thinking in. I chuckled at myself; like I really wanted to think right now. Thinking seemed to be the only thing I did anymore.

As I was walking through the corridors, I heard voices. They were coming from just around the corner from where I had been walking. Who was up this early? I edged forward a little to try to hear who it was.

" –does he plan to do?" an excited female voice whispered.

"All Sirius said was that the Order was almost finished with this weapon they're making," I heard a male voice say quietly.

My heartbeat quickened. It was the trio! They were talking about that weapon! What were they doing this early in the morning, standing in a hallway, talking about important secret stuff?

"What's the weapon?" a third voice asked, which I assumed was Weasley.

"I don't know," Potter said with a frustrated sigh. "He wouldn't tell me! Said it was 'too dangerous if I knew.'"

"Well, of course they aren't going to tell us!" I heard the Know-It-All say. "We're just going to have to find out for ourselves."

"How exactly do you plan we do that Hermione?" Weasley asked.

"Look, if we can sneak out of Hogwarts and get into Hogsmeade—" So that's where they were "—and stand guard outside of the Shrieking Shack while you contact Sirius—" And that's what they were doing. "—then we can probably find out about the weapon."

"Hermione, I don't think it's going to be that easy," said Potter logically. "No, it might not be an actual physical weapon."

"True," said Granger thoughtfully.

"Has there been a sighting of You-Know-Who recently?" Weasley asked suddenly. I inched closer to the wall, clinging on to their words.

"No…"

"But isn't he trying to kill you, Harry? I just don't get it. He's been in hiding for months now! He's not normally like this. There haven't been any Death Eater attacks in a while either. What's up with that?" Weasley asked.

"I don't know, it's kind of got me worried," said Potter. "I've been trying to see into his mind actually…" I scoffed mentally. No one gets into his mind.

"Harry!" Granger hissed. "You know you're not supposed to be trying to do that!"

"Oh, give it a rest, Hermione!" Weasley said, sounding exasperated.

"Anyways," Granger said. "I've been thinking…and… well… you don't think Voldemort got someone else to kill Harry, do you?" She sounded worried. Good. She should be worried; she had no idea how right she was.

"No. Why would he do that? You know he wants to kill Harry himself. Everyone knows that," Weasley said. I rolled my eyes. For some unknown reason, he didn't want to personally kill Potter anymore.

"Yeah Hermione, come on. You know that too," Potter said.

"Well, I know, but…"

"Oh, come on, Hermione. Let's go to breakfast," Weasley said.

"But it's not time yet!" Granger said hotly.

"So? Maybe by the time we get there it will be," said Weasley. They fell silent and began to walk. With a jolt I realized that they would be walking this way. I mentally cursed myself, trying to figure out where I could hide. I spotted a girl's bathroom just a little way's down. With only seconds, I rushed down quickly and quietly, barely making it in the room when I heard their footsteps and annoying voices walking down the corridor I was in only seconds ago.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" I froze. What was with my luck today? Who would be in the bathroom this early?

I turned around, red hair being the first thing to catch my eye.

"Weasley," I said simply.

"What are you doing in here? Don't you know this a _girl's _lavatory? Or have you gotten a sex change I should know about?" she asked with a confident smirk.

"Nope," I said with a smirk matching my own. "I'm still 100 percent male."

She gave me a fake smile. "You still haven't answered why you're here."

Oh shit! Why was I here?

"What? Can't think of a reason? Do you always hang out in the girl's lavatories? Hah, who am I kidding? Of course you probably do. You're Draco Malfoy, male slut of Hogwarts!" Male slut? Seriously? I was nothing of the sort. I still couldn't understand where everybody got that.

"Think what you want, Weasley, I'm leaving," I turned around quickly to leave.

"Malfoy!" she yelled at me, running to catch up.

"What?" I snarled. "What do want, blood traitor?" I asked, continuing to walk to the Great Hall for breakfast.

She chuckled softly beside me, whilst keeping pace with me. "I thought I told you that those insults don't bother me anymore." She stopped walking, and I looked up, realizing we were at the Great Hall already. Boy we walked fast.

I opened my mouth to respond when I silky voice beat me to it.

"Draco? Since when do you hang out with little Red here?"

---------------------------------~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~----------------------------------

A/N: Well, there's chapter four! I hope everyone enjoyed! As usual, thanks to the amazing betas **Mell8** and **Sympathetic Me.** You really should check out their stories! They're amazing!

Thanks to **Mell8, foxgodess07, **and **padmeani8 **for your reviews! And thanks to those of you that alerted the story, added it to favorites, etc. It means a lot!

I'm very excited to write the next chapter! I have some random scenes for it, but I have to add them in and fill in the chapter. Hopefully I'll have it up soon!

Anyways, let me know what you think and leave a review! :D They make me smile.

((**Added: Important:: So everyone knows, I will be changing my penname to Dragon'sBanefulMusic46.))**


	5. So Come On Down

"_Draco? Since when do you hang out with little Red here?"_

"I don't," I snarled. Why couldn't that little Gryffindor leave me the fuck alone?

Blaise raised an eyebrow and stepped before. "Oh?"

"She seems to have some sort of infatuation with me," I stated plainly.

"I do not!" Ginny growled indignantly.

"Then why are you following me?"

Her mouth dropped open slightly. "_Following you?_ You're the one who was in the girl's lavatory!"

I heard Blaise chuckle softly, and I tried to meet his eyes. "But I left! And _you _followed _me." _Weasley had just opened her mouth to retort when Blaise spoke up.

"Children, children," he drawled out. I scowled at him, but he refused to meet my eyes. "Does it really matter who followed who?" Weasley folded her arms, an undeniably sexy pout covering her face. Blaise cocked his head to the side and gave her a small smile, along with a wink.

"Whatever," Weasley said unhappily before turning to leave. "See ya, Ferret." I scowled again. When would they stop using that bloody name? I turned to Blaise.

"Why won't you look at me?" I demanded.

"What are you talking about?" Blaise asked nonchalantly, inspecting his fingernails. I walked forward a few steps, so that I was merely two inches from his face.

"You know what I'm talking about. You won't look at me."

Blaise looked up suddenly, staring straight at me, his eyes boring deeply into mine. His eyes stared, unwavering, as he stood silent.

Unnerved, I shifted my eyes a bit. "Blaise…"

"What, Draco?" he asked coldly. I felt more confused that I had ever been in my life. What was he mad at?

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked. Way to be sensitive, Draco.

"What the hell is wrong with _me?_I'm not the one that snapped at his friend." As I stared deeply at Blaise, I could see hurt masked behind his eyes.

"What did I do?" I closed my eyes for a few seconds, before opening them slowly, only to be met by Blaise's soft, porcelain face.

"It not… what you did exactly…" Blaise mumbled, looking down.

"Spit it out!" I demanded.

"Well...never mind," Blaise said, turning to leave. I stuck out my arm and spun him back around.

"_What_ are you talking about? You can't leave me like that." I was starting to get pretty frustrated. Why couldn't he just tell me?

"Yesterday. You were just kind of snappy."

"Yeah?"

"And… I don't know…" I was getting more frustrated by the minute. But I was also getting more curious. I had never seen him at this much of a loss for words.

"Well, you don't care about me, do you?" he asked, hurt more apparent in his eyes than ever.

"What?" I asked incredulously. "Where did you get that idea?"

"I didn't _get _it anywhere," he replied indignantly. "You know what? It's none of my business if you care or not." I felt myself dawn in realization.

"Blaise, I don't know why it bothers you so much, but I was just having a fucking bad day and…"

"I know you were!" Blaise said. I hated to admit it, but Blaise looked unquestionably delectable standing there like that, with his hair falling like a waterfall from the braid he occasionally kept it in, and his pouty lips staring back at me…

"I was just trying to help, Draco. I knew you were having a bad day, and I wanted to help." I cringed at Blaise's hurt voice. I had no idea why he was so upset by this, or why he cared so much, but for some odd reason, I felt horrible. Pansy was right, I am soft.

"Blaise…" I mumbled softly. My breath caught in my throat when I noticed his eyes flicking softly between my eyes and my lips. I opened my mouth to continue my statement, but the words were lost.

Blaise leaned forward suddenly, capturing my lips in a soft, enveloping kiss. I froze, completely shocked. What was he doing!? I had never kissed another guy! Why was Blaise kissing me? Oddly enough, I enjoyed it; I kissed him back deeply, gripping at his hair.

He really was a talented kisser, his lips wrapping themselves around mine softly, yet harshly at the same time. Our lips mingled, exploring. Blaise placed his hands on my waist with a tight, firm grip, and I responded, surprising myself by planting my hand in his hair, running my fingers through the strands before tugging softly. Blaise moaned into my mouth as he ground his hips into mine, causing me to moan in response.

As suddenly as he leaned in, Blaise pulled back, detaching himself from me. Dazed, I looked up, shocked at what Blaise had just done.

Blaise looked nervous, biting his lip. "I – I'm sorry, Draco. I – I know you're not like me…"

"No, Blaise, I…" I struggled to find the words. "I liked it." Blaise's face morphed from nervousness to disbelief.

"You did?" he asked hopefully.

"I did," I admitted. Somewhere around us the bell rang, shaking us back to reality.

"Look, Draco, I – Can we talk later? I actually don't want to be late, but I want to talk to you," he said with an odd look in his eye.

"Yeah, we'll meet up at lunch. I want to talk too," I said, the words spilling forth from my mouth unconsciously.

"Ok, good. I'll see you then," Blaise said, turning to walk away, and I could've sworn I saw a triumphant smile appear on his face.

~*~*~*~

I walked in a daze to my next class, my mind in a befuddled state. What had just happened? Had I really _kissed_ Blaise? Did I really enjoy it? Did I really realize that I had feelings for him?

My head exploded with bewilderment. I never even thought about being that way with a guy, but I can't say that I didn't like it. In fact, I _really _liked it. Deep down, as much as I hated to admit it, I wished for a repeat sometime soon.

As I sat down in Transfiguration next to Pansy, I had sorted out my thoughts, and was much more at ease with the situation.

"Hey, Draco," Pansy said cheerily.

"Hello, Pansy," I said, pretty cheery myself.

She gave me an odd look. "You seem awfully happy." I nodded.

"I am." She raised her eyebrows, and was about to say something, but McGonagall got up and began speaking.

Once the class was on their own, working on the spell to change their rats into shoes, Pansy chose to speak. "So exactly why are you so happy? Did you find something out about your assignment? Or the Trio? Or Potter?" she asked expectantly.

"No, nothing like that. Actually, wait," I gasped as I remembered what I had overheard that morning. I had completely forgotten!

"Wait, Pansy, yes!" I struggled to remember. "Well, it's nothing new actually. They were wondering why the Dark Lord's been so AWOL lately." Pansy snorted. "Anyways, one of them was wondering if the Dark Lord had gotten someone else to kill Potter, but they shot that one down pretty quickly."

"Hmm," Pansy said thoughtfully. "Well, Draco, that wasn't even really important."

"Gee, sorry I couldn't help," I said sarcastically.

"You should be," she responded, equally sarcastic. "No," she said, serious again. "We need to find something that'll help us with your assignment."

"I know…"

"Hey, I know there's a Hogsmeade trip this weekend! Maybe the threesome will go!" Pansy said excitedly.

"Pansy, _be quiet," _I said, glancing around. I folded my arms. "How will that help us anyways?"

"Well," she said sneakily. "We could figure out a way to end this task very quickly."

"Are you serious?" I asked.

"Of course I'm serious!" she said, affronted. She leaned forward. "Seriously, think about it. If it's done in Hogsmeade there are more ways it could be done, and there will be so many other suspects than if it were done here!"

"True…" I admitted. "But what happened to an 'accident'?"

She frowned. "We could still make it an 'accident' of sorts. And besides Draco, have you been thinking? How could we make something look like an accident? _Somebody_ would be suspicious."

"Humph," I snorted. "Fine."

Pansy muttered the spell, pointing her wand sharply at the rat, which immediately turned into a perfect shoe.

~*~*~*~*~

I walked confidently to the Slytherin table at lunch where I would meet Blaise. Surprisingly enough, Blaise was already at the table, waiting expectantly.

"Hey," I said casually, sliding into the bench across from him.

"Hello," he replied.

"So…" I trailed off.

"So… what do you think?" Blaise asked.

"What do you 'mean what do I think'?" I retorted.

"About… us."

"I think it's perfect," I said with a small smile.

"Really? I always thought you were straight, you sly bastard," Blaise said with a smirk.

"Hey, don't get me wrong; I always thought I was straight too," I defended.

"Well, I guess all you needed was some guy as attractive me to woo you from your ways," Blaise said confidently.

"Oh, yeah, I bet that's it," I said. I looked deeply into Blaise's eyes, and it was at that moment that I felt something. I felt a connection surge between the two of us; an unbreakable connection. And I was ninety-nine percent positive Blaise felt it too.

~*~*~*~*~

"Good news, Draco!" Pansy exclaimed as she ran up to me. "The Golden Trio is going to Hogsmeade!"

"Great," I said unenthusiastically.

"Draco," she whined. "I thought you'd be happy! Now you have a chance to get Potter!"

"Well, I am, I just… I wanted to go with Blaise." Pansy froze, almost unsure if she had heard correctly.

"You wanted to go with Blaise?" I nodded. "Like… just the two of you?" I nodded again. "Like… on a date?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Holy fuck," she said. "Draco… I had no idea you though of Blaise like that."

"Me neither," I said happily.

"Is _that_ why you were so happy in Transfiguration today?" she asked.

"It is," I said.

"_Oh._"

"What do you think?" I asked.

"I think… finally!"

"What?" I asked, puzzled. "Finally?"

"Well, to be honest, I always thought you two would look good together," she said shyly.

I studied her face. "No you didn't."

"Ok," she admitted. "I didn't always think that. But I think it's great!"

I smiled. "Thanks." She nodded.

Now I had a predicament. Go to Hogsmeade with Blaise and have a fantastic time, or go to Hogsmeade and try to kill Potter. Interesting choices.

"So what're you going to do?" Pansy asked. "You could always try to do both… or you could tell Blaise." I snapped my head up.

"You think I should tell Blaise?" I asked.

"To be honest… yeah, I do. If you don't, it's going to be way too hard to keep it from him." I nodded.

"Well, I better go tell him."

~*~*~*~*~

I opened the dormitory door, slowly, trying to figure out how to tell Blaise about my assignment.

I had nothing. Looks like I was just going to have to wing it.

"Draco, is that you?" I heard a silky voice ask. I felt a tingle in my stomach as I turned and saw Blaise sitting on his bed.

"Yeah, it's me," I said, sitting next to him. He leaned in and kissed me slowly, as if savoring the moment, pulling me closer to him. I had just gotten comfortable when I remembered the reason I was there.

I pulled away slowly, and he moaned slightly at the loss of contact.

"Draco…" he whined.

"Blaise, I have to tell you something," I said nervously.

Blaise cocked his head. "You sound nervous. Why would you be nervous?"

"It's about… the Dark Lord. I do have an assignment." Blaise nodded for me to continue. "I… I have to kill Potter," I blurted out, waiting for Blaise to respond.

"Really?" he asked. I nodded. "I thought the Dark Lord wanted to do that."

"Me too, but apparently not. And Pansy and I have been thinking about ways to kill him."

"Pansy knows?" I nodded. "I sure feel stupid. You're really going to kill him?"

"So you're okay with my assignment?" I asked nervously.

"Why wouldn't I be okay with it? Now, are you really going to kill him?"

"I'm going to try, I guess. We've been thinking about trying to kill him in Hogsmeade this weekend."

Blaise merely nodded. "Well, go ahead. The sooner you get it done, the more time we can have together."

"I know Blaise. And I want to kill him, I do. But think of his friends, and his 'family'. They'll hunt me down," I said unhappily.

"Not if they don't know you did it," Blaise pointed out.

"I know…"

"Well, Draco darling, I believe you should try this weekend." I leaned in and gave Blaise a quick kiss.

I had decided.

There's a Hogsmeade trip this weekend and Potter was going. And so was I.

I would make my first attempt at murdering him.

~*~

**A/N:** Salutations! (always wanted to say that) I updated! Hooray for me! I am so sorry for the long wait! And let us all be happy that Mell8's computer is fixed! At least I think it is now...

Anywho, thanks to all who reviewed! I'm not sure if I messaged everyone, but I will definitely make sure I do from now on. I hope you all loved this chapter! A lot happened... ;) I'm working on the next chapter, so it should (hopefully) be up soon. So thanks to **Mell8 **and **Sympathetic_Fran** for their amazing beta skills!

So please tell me what you think! Or thought... it doesn't matter! Share your opinion. =) Next chapter should be up soon!


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